After the last European Championship was played across 11 countries in front of limited capacities in an odd-numbered year, and the subsequent World Cup was held in a miniscule nation in the lead-up to Christmas, Euro 2024 in a German summer felt like a welcome restoration of the needle to normality.
The tournament began with a bang as the host nation demolished sorry Scotland in a raucous Munich. There was history made by Albania as Nedim Bajrami scored the fastest-ever goal in the tournament, shocking Italy after just 19 seconds. The Azzurri were among several big names to secure unconvincing wins in their opening game, with Germany and Spain making the biggest early impression, while Slovakia delivered the first upset with a deserved win over Belgium.
The first week of Euro 2024 produced a mixture of heavyweight showdowns which disappointed (Spain v Italy, Netherlands v France) and hard sells for the neutral which turned out to be thrillers (Turkey v Georgia, Croatia v Albania). England arrived at the finals with enormous expectation but looked nothing like potential winners as they bumbled through the group stage.
The final round of group games delivered its usual dose of drama. There was Kevin Csoboth’s 100th-minute winner which gave Hungary a stay of execution that was taken from them three days later, with their third-place finish not enough to take them through. There was Mattia Zaccagni’s 98th-minute equaliser which spared Italy from elimination and knocked out Croatia instead. Austria edged a five-goal classic against Netherlands to top Group D. In Group E, all four teams finished level on points, with Ukraine finishing bottom when all they needed was one goal to win the group. The last of the group games saw Georgia produce a memorable performance to beat Portugal and advance to the last 16, while a stoppage time winner for Cenk Tosun knocked out Czechia on a night which ended with chaotic scenes.
The 24-team format has come in for criticism, some of it deserved, but no team at Euro 2024 went home without at least getting a draw. Scotland and Poland were the biggest disappointments, with Croatia’s exit the most surprising. Albania and Ukraine were unfortunate to finish bottom of their groups, while Czechia and Serbia tried hard but didn’t have the quality to go any further.
After the drama of the group stage, the round of 16 was anti-climactic. Switzerland produced the big story with a wholly deserved win over Italy, who became the third successive holders to bow out at this point in the competition. A malfunctioning England were on the brink of bring dumped out by Slovakia before Jude Bellingham’s stunning last-gasp equaliser turned the tide and saved face for an underperforming team. Slovenia gallantly took Portugal all the way to a penalty shooutout on a night when Cristiano Ronaldo made an utter pillock of himself, while Austria’s excellent group campaign counted for nothing as they were sent packing by Turkey. Spain produced the performance of the round in beating Georgia 4-1, but not before the Euro 2024 debutants scored first to briefly threaten one of the biggest shocks in the tournament’s history.
Two of the quarter-finals were thrillers and two were…not. Spain ended Germany’s hopes of a home triumph with a controversial extra time win which, surprise surprise, saw a cracking game spoiled by English officials. Turkey led against Netherlands for a good 35 minutes before the Oranje’s pressure eventually told, although the outcome was on a knife edge right up to the final whistle. England once again reached into their seemingly bottomless barrel of luck to prevail on penalties against Switzerland. As for Portugal and France, they should both have been kicked out of the tournament for making us suffer through mind-numbing tedium which sullied the name of football. Les Bleus got through on penalties and put us all out of our misery after enduring what was, let’s call a spade a spade, a horrendous shitshow.
The French came into the tournament as favourites but somehow made it to the semi-finals despite scoring only once from open play across their six matches. They were deservedly trumped by Spain in a semi-final immortalised by a show-stopping goal from Lamine Yamal four days shy of his 17th birthday – a genuine fairytale moment in a sport which has become weighed down by cynicism. The following night, Lady Luck not so much smiled on England but frankly had an orgy with them – that penalty decision against Denzel Dumfries was one of the most unfathomable in European Championship history. To give the Three Lions some credit, though, the stoppage time winner from Ollie Watkins was a delightful goal.
The final was the archetypal game of two halves, with a dismally tepid opening 45 minutes giving way to unmissable post-interval fare. England saved one of their best performances for the tournament until last, but it wasn’t enough to match a Spain side who made it a perfect seven wins from start to finish thanks to an unlikely hero in Mikel Oyarzabal. Luis de la Fuente made the transition from under-21 coach to senior boss look seamless, shunning the limelight which was instead hogged by thrilling young duo Yamal and Nico Williams. In midfield and attack, La Roja were streets ahead of every other team at Euro 2024, and they had enough nous in defence to help get them over the line.
Overall the tournament was a bit of a letdown after the rollercoaster of Euro 2020. Spain and Germany were the only two nations to show consistent top quality, although Netherlands impressed in some of their matches. France and England went deep into the tournament despite their performances rather than because of them. Belgium, Croatia and Italy were the big-name disappointments.
It was a tournament where, for the most part, the best teams to watch were those who nobody had down as potential winners before a ball was kicked. Turkey played in some of the most exciting matches at the finals, while Switzerland wouldn’t have looked out of place in the semis had they ousted England. Austria were magnificent in the group stage before falling flat in the last 16. Romania and Slovenia both amounted to more than the sum of their parts. Perhaps the biggest breath of fresh air, though, were Georgia. They were a joy to watch and they earned a couple of memorable results in their first-ever major tournament before bowing out with dignity against Spain. Hopefully they’ll be back for the 2026 World Cup and the next Euros.
The lack of quality from many of the big-name teams and players was understandable, though, with Euro 2024 bookending a marathon season and preceded by a short breather before the relentless rat race swings into gear again. Like the plant in Little Shop of Horrors, the game’s powerbrokers keep screaming to be fed and duly tack on more and more matches, to the point where elite footballers are simply drained by the end of the campaign. This summer’s tournament in Germany should represent a tipping point as to the workload which is placed on the sport’s leading figures. Instead, we’re heading into an expanded Champions League and the farce of the Club World Cup next June, which’ll further drain the mental and physical resources of players who are already being flogged to the brink of exhaustion.
There were other aspects of the tournament on which we won’t look back on with fondness. Security became a recurring concern amid multiple pitch invasions (sometimes with several during the same match), while the violence in the streets of some host cities was abhorrent. A few games were overshadowed by atrocious refereeing decisions (Marc Cucurella’s unseen handball against Germany was a particular WTF moment), and the frightening few minutes when Barnabas Varga needed urgent medical attention (which was shockingly slow in arriving) threatened to render Hungary’s 1-0 win over Scotland irrelevant. Thankfully, the forward was stable before long.
All in all, Euro 2024 was a downgrade on the previous edition of the tournament, although Germany unsurprisingly proved to be excellent hosts by and large. The postmortem on this summer’s finals should give UEFA plenty of reason to hold some frank discussions in their offices, but at least the trophy had a deserving winner. Spain played the best football and won all seven matches on their way to a record-breaking fourth European crown. Judging by the talent at their disposal, another golden era similar to 2008-2012 isn’t out of the question.
Top 10 goals
10: Hakan Calhanoglu (Turkey) v Czechia
9: Morten Hjulmand (Denmark) v England
8: Nicolae Stanciu (Romania) v Ukraine
7: Mert Muldur (Turkey) v Georgia
6: Jude Bellingham (England) v Slovakia
5: Xherdan Shaqiri (Switzerland) v Scotland
4: Xavi Simons (Netherlands) v England
3: Arda Guler (Turkey) v Georgia
2: Nico Williams (Spain) v Georgia
1: Lamine Yamal (Spain) v France
Top 10 matches
10: Croatia 1-1 Italy
9: Spain 2-1 France
8: Netherlands 2-1 Turkey
7: Czechia 1-2 Turkey
6: Georgia 2-0 Portugal
5: Spain 2-1 Germany (AET)
4: Croatia 2-2 Albania
3: Austria 1-2 Turkey
2: Netherlands 2-3 Austria
1: Turkey 3-1 Georgia
Worst 5 matches
5: Italy 2-1 Albania
4: Denmark 0-0 Serbia
3: Ukraine 0-0 Belgium
2: Portugal 0-0 France (3-5 pens)
1: England 0-0 Slovenia
Team of the tournament (4-2-1-3)
GIORGI MARMARDASHVILI (Georgia): The Valencia goalkeeper was already one of the hottest properties in his position in Europe prior to the tournament, and his performances in Germany will surely have sent demand for him into overdrive. His tour de force against Czechia (11 saves) was one of the best individual displays of the finals.
MANUEL AKANJI (Switzerland): I’m taking liberties by putting Akanji at right-back when he played centrally in the tournament, but the versatile Swiss defender merits inclusion anywhere in the best XI of Euro 2024. He’s taken his game up several levels since joining Manchester City and was his country’s best performer as they verged on the brink of a first-ever semi-final.
MARC GUEHI (England): The Crystal Palace man was the one England player who performed consistently well throughout the tournament, whereas many of his teammates merely came good in moments. It’s remarkable to think that, had Harry Maguire been fit, the 24-year-old would probably have been a reserve in Gareth Southgate’s squad. Those days are well and truly gone now.
WILLIAM SALIBA (France): Similar to Guehi, the Arsenal defender was a beacon of consistency in an enigmatic France team whose progression to the last four belief how ineffective they were at the finals. He brilliantly combined mastery of a football with an unrelenting adherence to his core defensive duties.
MARC CUCURELLA (Spain): For so long an expensive misfit at Chelsea, the 25-year-old ended the club season in fine form and carried that into the tournament. He probably wouldn’t have started if Jose Gaya wasn’t injured, but he was excellent in Germany and his place in Spanish footballing folklore was secured by his assist for Mikel Oyarzabal’s late winner in the final.
FABIAN RUIZ (Spain): The midfielder’s majestic solo goal against Croatia in Spain’s opening match set the tone for the tournament that he and his nation would go on to have. Another goal followed in a scintillating display against Georgia in the last 16, and alongside Rodri he formed a midfield axis which has echoes of Xavi and Andres Iniesta.
RODRI (Spain): Manchester City’s 2023 Champions League final hero was arguably the best player at Euro 2024, effortlessly keeping Spain ticking over with his indefatigable nature and near-flawless use of the ball. Make no mistake about it; he’s a prime Ballon D’Or contender this year.
DANI OLMO (Spain): The 26-year-old has had a gradual ascent to the top but he came alive for Spain in the knockout rounds, scoring in three consecutive matches prior to the final. He had a ridiculously cheap release clause at RB Leipzig until this weekend; now you can bet your bottom dollar that they’ll be seeking top dollar for him.
LAMINE YAMAL (Spain): It’s a long, long time since a teenager came of age in a major international tournament quite like this boy (yes, still a boy as he only turned 17 last week). Already rated massively for his Barcelona exploits, his jaw-dropping goal against France elevated him into the football stratosphere. This kid is worthy of every bit of praise which has been bestowed upon him.
CODY GAKPO (Netherlands): The 25-year-old has been steady but unspectacular for Liverpool, often failing to ignite at centre-forward. Playing from the left flank at Euro 2024, his return of three goals (making him joint-top scorer in Germany) suggested that Ronald Koeman is using him in his best position. That assist for Donyell Malen against Romania was a piece of magic, too.
NICO WILLIAMS (Spain): The Athletic Bilbao dynamo has had long-time residence in the transfer rumour mill ever before Euro 2024, but his performances at the finals have given him top billing. His solo goal against Georgia was breathtaking, and he combined electric pace with penalty box prowess throughout the tournament.
SUBS: Diogo Costa (Portugal), Bart Verbruggen (Netherlands), David Hanck0 (Slovakia), Merih Demiral (Turkey), Fabian Schar (Switzerland), Nathan Ake (Netherlands), Pepe (Portugal), Riccardo Calafiori (Italy), N’Golo Kante (France), Marcel Sabitzer (Austria), Arda Guler (Turkey), Bukayo Saka (England), Xavi Simons (Netherlands), Georges Mikautadze (Georgia), Jamal Musiala (Germany)
FLOPS XI: Andriy Lunin (Ukraine), Timothy Castagne (Belgium), Ryan Porteous (Scotland), Josko Gvardiol (Croatia), Federico Dimarco (Italy), Amadou Onana (Belgium), Sergej Milinkovic-Savic (Serbia), Antonin Barak (Czechia), Leandro Trossard (Belgium), Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal), Kylian Mbappe (France)
Quotes of the tournament
“It’s men against boys. It’s a polar bear against a rabbit.” – Mark Goldbridge of YouTube fame after Germany went 2-0 up against Scotland inside 20 minutes. You’ll be seeing a lot more of him in this section of the review.
“That’s Mick Hucknall. That’s simply red…he’s off the ground. He’s sponsored by Ryanair.” – There he is again, in fact, with his unique description of Ryan Porteous’ reckless red card against Germany.
“Swapping Grant Hanley for Ryan Porteous is like changing your shirt when you’ve shat your trousers.” – HEPennypacker01 on Twitter with one of the cruder analogies of the tournament.
“We spoke before the game about them creating a history. They’re creating history alright, by playing as badly as that.” – Never backwards about coming forwards, Roy Keane was typically blunt in his assessment of Scotland’s opening night performance in losing 5-1 to the hosts.
“Never has a man looked more like he’d block every toilet in your house.” – Twitter user Matthew Stanger on lumbering Hungary striker Martin Adam, whose robust physique turned him into a cult hero for Euro 2024 viewers.
“He had to leave Tottenham to win some trophies!” – Shay Given trolls Spurs fan Tony O’Donoghue about Luka Modric, a serial Champions League winner with Real Madrid.
“That second half was a half of death.” – We can safely assume that Didi Hamann wasn’t impressed with the post-interval 45 minutes between Italy and Albania.
“Cesc Fabregas in the middle of Ferdinand and Richards is like putting Paul McCartney in between Jedward.” – @Dan23_92 on Twitter on the Spaniard’s inclusion on the BBC panel for the Serbia-England match.
“Gareth Southgate would take the minus offer on The Chase.” – SportsJOE writer Callum Boyle after England’s unconvincing win over Serbia.
“We have got the tools to win this tournament, but we’ve got a tool in charge of the team.” – I told you Goldbridge would be back! Here he is with a withering assessment of Southgate.
“He was a bit lumpy.” – Kenny Cunningham on Ukraine striker Artem Dovbyk before he was La Liga’s top scorer in 2023/24 with Girona.
“They can get the tent pegs out, the stove going and the fire lit.” – John Kenny on Romania towards the end of their resounding 3-0 win over Ukraine.
“They think it’s all Wober. It is now.” – Yorkshire Evening Post journalist Graham Smyth after the Austria defender was substituted against France following a less than cerebral night on which he scored an own goal and was shown a yellow card.
“They were acting the maggot a little bit,” – Richie Sadlier on the gamesmanship from some French players during the win over Austria.
“Turkey are looking desperate.” – The words of Jermaine Jenas a minute before Arda Guler unleashed a screamer to restore the Turks’ lead against Georgia.
“I’m off for a lie down, Cathal!” – Alan Cawley at the end of the breathless Turkey-Georgia game.
“Cop yourself on, that’s ridiculous.” – Stuey Byrne wasn’t too impressed with some Albanian playacting against Croatia.
“He looks like he was drunk the last day!” – Kevin Doyle with quite the review of Attila Szalai’s performance in Hungary’s defeat to Switzerland.
“Lee Dixon confusing Bosnia and Serbia, it’s a good thing they’re not sensitive about that kind of thing.” – Tom Whittaker on Twitter during Slovenia v Serbia.
“It has come to life and thank f… thank goodness for that!” – Stephen Warnock on BBC 5 Live during Slovenia v Serbia, pulling himself back from the brink of an instant sacking.
“For a country that’s won one World Cup & have never won the Euros they’re very expectant & very arrogant about their chances.” – Professional wind-up merchant James McClean doing what he does best – boiling English urine.
“England v Denmark looks an intriguing one. Anyone know what time it kicks off?” – Liverpool Echo journalist Ian Doyle at the full-time whistle of the tepid 1-1 draw between the two nations.
“Gareth Southgate wears a helmet on his Peloton.” – @Im_RobM on Twitter with a scathing assessment of the then-England manager’s conservative approach.
“Putting Foden on the wing and Trent at holding midfield is like inviting Gordon Ramsey round to cook for a special occasion then getting him to do the ironing while Olly Murs makes a Pot Noodle.” – Mark Goldbridge after the Denmark-England game.
“Yamal literally exploded onto the scene this season.” – According to Kenny Cunningham, the Spain winger went off like a bomb in LaLiga!
“I thought he’d get out of the way when he saw that articulated truck coming in the Spanish jersey.” – Cunningham on Italy’s Nicolo Barella being flattened by Spain defender Robin Le Normand.
“It’s a bit like those Juicy tracksuits you see the young kids wearing.” – Cunningham on the jacket worn by Italy coach Luciano Spalletti, which had ‘ITALIA’ unmistakably splashed across the back.
“That’s why Didi’s not a manager and he’s sitting next to me on the sofa!” – Shay Given slags Hamann over Kylian Mbappe not starting for France against Netherlands.
“Have you ever done parachute training when someone’s holding you down before they let go?” – Stephen Kelly on Poland’s Nicola Zalewski blatantly pulling Mbappe’s shirt to prevent a French breakaway.
“Lewandowski does a hop, skip, jump and a dance.” – Shay Given on Robert Lewandowski’s stutter penalty against France.
“It’s not a skill to stop your run. Even I can do that.” – Hamann on Lewandowski’s stutter penalty
“England are playing like an Xbox gamer having a go of their mate’s PlayStation for the first time.” – Journalist Caoimhe O’Neill during England v Slovenia.
“If you thought before the game that Conor Gallagher was the answer, you have the answer now.” – Hamann on the Chelsea midfielder’s performance for England against Slovenia, having been taken off at half-time.
“It’s like giving him a garage full of Ferraris and he’s driving a nice cosy banger.” – Kevin Doyle joins the ‘Southgate is too conservative’ club.
“It’s like getting all the world’s best artists in a room, giving them a blank canvas and asking them to paint a vase. They’re all doing it in their own vision and Gareth Southgate then comes along and shits all over the canvas.” – Goldbridge with a rather more vivid evisceration of the then England manager’s safety-first approach.
“After seven hours of travelling and one goal in my last three games, I’m beginning to feel like Charlie Bucket looking in at the sweet shop and wondering when I’m going to get my golden ticket.” – BBC commentator Steve Wilson during the dire Ukraine v Belgium match.
“I have a sneaking suspicion a game of football is about to start!” – Wilson after 75 minutes of that same match.
“If you aren’t English or Slovenian but you watched this match in full, you need to see a doctor.” – Ahmed Walid power ranking each group game for The Athletic, in which he put their 0-0 draw at rock bottom. I best make an appointment, then…
“Clever substitution by Denmark bringing on Thor.” – Patrick Haughey, Irish ambassador to Poland, on the thunderstorm which temporarily halted the Germany-Denmark match in Dortmund.
“I’d rather watch Mrs Brown’s Boys than this rubbish.” – Hockey player Sam Quek on England v Slovakia, before the dramatic twist that Jude Bellingham provided.
“The degree to which they’ve made an absolute pig’s arse of this, even in Irish football terms, is noteworthy,” – Richie Sadlier on the FAI’s long-winded process in apponting a new Ireland manager, with Georgia boss Willy Sagnol having been linked with the job before it was eventually given to Heimir Hallgrimsson.
“When you see white smoke at a Portugal game, it means they’ve elected a new Pepe.” – Gene McGurk on Twitter during the smoky backdrop to Portugal v Slovenia.
“Ronaldo picked the same team…” – Hamann subtly alleging that CR7 and not Roberto Martinez wears the trousers where Portugal are concerned.
“France found another gear today, the reverse gear!” – Hamann was far from impressed with Didier Deschamps’ side against Portugal. Let’s face it, both teams were rubbish that night.
“I’m not doing that build-up again!” – Darragh Maloney after a Ronaldo free kick hit the French defensive wall, following the commentator’s lengthy prose of anticipation before the ball was struck.
“An abomination. France abysmal. Ronaldo out there wandering about the pitch purely because of Who He Is, like Salt Bae after the World Cup final.” – Journalist Gavin Cooney at the end of normal time in Portugal v France.
“Griezmann went off, it seems, like three days ago!” – Darragh Maloney on the long-winded Portugal v France game before it sleepwalked to penalties.
“It’s all become a bit stop-start, mainly stop.” – BBC’s Guy Mowbray during the disjointed second half of England v Switzerland.
“This is the worst international tournament of all time.” – RTE rugby commentator Hugh Cahill doesn’t mince his words about the fare on offer in Germany.
“Yes, this game is exciting, but is it as exciting as wondering if Gary and the panel will crash through the glass into the church below?” – Dara O’Briain at half-time in Spain v France, commenting on the BBC’s picturesque studio setup.
“Lamine Yamal will hardly do Transition Year now I’d say. Straight into 5th year and drop down to Pass Everything.” – Colm O’Regan on the then 16-year-old affter his showstopping goal against France.
“Have you got the receipt?” – Shay Given on Mbappe, whose transfer to Real Madrid became official during Euro 2024.
“They’re lost like Joey Essex in a library!” – Goldbridge on Kyle Walker and Luke Shaw being caught out of position for Nico Williams’ goal in the final.
“Out of the ten worst games in the tournament, England were responsible for seven of them!” – Hamann’s withering assessment of the eventual runners-up.
“Southgate’s brain is like a web browser. 19 tabs are open, 17 are frozen, and he has no idea where the music is coming from.” – Melonlord_0990 on YouTube after the final.
Euro 2024 dislikes
- Scotland blowing their load at a major tournament yet again
- The dreary second half of Italy 2-1 Albania
- Belgium’s general listlessness
- Romelu Lukaku’s complete absence of luck in having THREE goals chalked off at the finals
- England being painful to watch yet, until the final, still getting by
- The vendetta against Trent Alexander-Arnold
- Samet Akaydin’s cringeworthy own goal against Portugal
- Diogo Jota constantly being inexplicably overlooked by Roberto Martinez
- Barnabas Varga’s worrying injury in Hungary’s win over Scotland
- The two utterly woeful goalless draws on the final night of Group C
- The similarly woeful goalless draw between Belgium and Ukraine depriving us of any real drama in what could’ve been an epic finish to Group E
- Istvan Kovacs losing the run of himself in the Turkey-Czechia game
- Italy’s meek surrender to Switzerland
- Jordan Pickford’s never-ending amateur dramatics and sneers
- Cristiano Ronaldo making a show of himself with his whingefest against Slovenia
- Anthony Taylor somehow failing to award a penalty for a clear handball by Marc Cucurella against Germany
- Portugal v France – a desecration to the sport of football
- An off-colour Kylian Mbappe playing more like Cillian Murphy
- The penalty given to England for a nonexistent foul by Denzel Dumfries on Harry Kane
- The multitude of unwanted pitch invasions and fighting in the streets
- The inexplicable habit of spectators throwing plastic cups at players taking corner kicks
Euro 2024 likes
- Germany’s devastating performance on opening night against Scotland
- Fabian Ruiz’s deft finish against Croatia
- Nicolae Stanciu’s wonderstrike against Ukraine
- Everything about Turkey v Georgia – incredible atmosphere, stunning goals, late drama
- Albania’s last-ditch equaliser in a thrilling draw against Croatia
- Xherdan Shaqiri casually bending the ball into the top corner against Scotland for his customary major tournament ‘wow’ moment
- Giorgi Mamardashvili’s exceptional performance against Czechia
- Group E being poised on the ultimate knife edge with each team having three points going into the final matchday
- Mattia Zaccagni’s dramatic last-gasp intervention against Croatia
- Austria’s absorbing 3-2 win over Netherlands
- Georgia beating Portugal to qualify for the last 16
- Darragh Maloney’s wry humour during the lightning-enforced stoppage to the Germany-Denmark game
- Jude Bellingham’s overhead kick (even if England didn’t deserve to go through against Slovakia)
- Nico Williams’ brilliant solo goal against Georgia
- Cody Gakpo’s assist for Donyell Malen against Romania
- The pulsating Austria-Turkey clash (and Mert Gunok’s incredible save)
- Trent Alexander-Arnold being the man to score England’s winning penalty against Switzerland
- Netherlands 2-1 Turkey
- Lamine Yamal’s Louvre-worthy goal against France
- Xavi Simons’ thunderbolt against England
- Ollie Watkins’ masterfully crafted winner against Netherlands
- Spain getting their deserved win in the final
- The Euro 2024 theme song
Man, Ball and All 